Awakening

At the age of thirty five, I am asking myself, "What kind of life am I living?"

You see when you suffer a mild stroke at this age and the idea of dying this early becomes your reality.

Existential questions do creep in.

I remember when I was hospitalized for a mild stroke and I was in the emergency hospital. I was crying and telling my husband that I do not want to die. I told him that I am a bad person. I have made bad choices. I have debts and would probably not be able to enter heaven.

You see in Islam having unpaid debts when you die becomes a bar for entering Jannah (Heaven.)

Unfortunately for me, being afraid of dying, being a bad person or having debts does not necessarily transform the reality.

So after nearly three months from suffering a stroke, numerous fluctuations of my blood pressure that triggers a lot of anxiety attack and one more visit to the emergency, I have finally decided to surrender every thing to God (Allah) "Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala,"

Yep I surrender to the will of God. I refuse to worry. I refuse to be anxious. I refuse to do bad. I surrender to GOD.

Besides that. 

I also decided to do six major things.

1. Work on my finances - pay off debts, sell real estate, sell shirts, list all expenses, stop getting into debt.

2. Work on my health - limit meat intake, eat more vegetables, sleep early, exercise

3. Work on my spiritual reawakening - do five salah, yoga, learn Arabic, read Islamic books

4. Work on my intellectual growth - listen to more ted talks, read the news, read more books, read more law books

5. Work on my social interactions - be more active in my social groups, attend more weddings, attend more parties

6. Work on my family - be kinder to my in laws, my husband, my son, my sister, my cousins, my relatives, my mother, my father.